Are You Trying Again with Your Ex Partner?
Mistakes were made, harsh words were said and everything just went a little bit wrong which resulted in pain for both parties. You decided it was best to walk away and start fresh without each other. But what happens when neither of you are happy as a result and you realise you want to give your relationship another try? Sometimes when a relationship ends it’s never truly over, as much as we try to think logically using our head over our heart, it’s not always possible. If you have given yourself enough time to fully grieve for the relationship and you still believe they are the right person for you then where do you go from there?
It’s a difficult decision to make and depending on why the relationship ended the first time, a lot of the people who love and care for you might not be very understanding when you try and open up to them about getting your old relationship back on track. You need to remember, try to understand and realise they are only looking out for you no one wants to see someone they love hurting, especially if they was a witness to you suffering the fallout from the breakdown of your relationship last time, they will understandably be none to pleased about the fear of watching a repeat. However, as much as your nearest and dearest love you it is ultimately not their decision to make.
So, you have decided that trying again is what you both want, but how do you prevent the exact same problems from rearing their ugly head again? This is the main issue most couples face when they decide to try again with an ex partner. It’s very easy to let our feelings cloud our judgement, you have to remember the age old advice ‘you should move forward not backwards, if it didn’t work the first time it won’t work the second’ as cliche as it sounds it’s also very true.
Which of course begs the question, are you wasting your time trying again?
No. Not if it is done correctly.
To give your relationship the best chance of survival you must take that advice not only very seriously but also quite literally, it didn’t work before hence why you are where you are now. The trick to solving this is, you don’t go back into your old relationship, you start a new one with new routines new restaurants and new minds. You start from scratch. It may be tempting to use a past mistake as a bargaining chip in your new relationship but don’t, that will only take you down that rough road of resentment.
How will this help you ask? Well, think of it this way, if you jump straight back into the same situation you was in before, all of your old problems will be there waiting for you, they may not cause any trouble straight away, but that is only because of the conscious effort you are both making, desperate to make this work. Ultimately, they will still be there lurking in the background, waiting. With anything in life when something is broken you fix it but you don’t repeat the same actions over and over hoping eventually the outcome will be different. What you do is you try a different method, that is what you need to do here, your old relationship didn’t work, repeating the same behaviour won’t fix it it will just remain broken.
When I said start again, I meant completely start again, any past problems are gone, you are starting back at square one everything you think you know about your partner is gone, they like cheese on toast? How would you know you have only just met them.
You are in actual fact, wiping the slate clean. Imagine you have only just met, what would you do first? Go on a date, so you do just that you both behave in the same way you would if you were meeting for the very first time.
Before you jump head first into this I would suggest that ask yourself these questions,
Can you forgive all of the past mistakes?
Can you draw a line under all of the old arguments?
Are you willing to forget any pain that was caused?
To truly start again you need to fully accept the past and move on from it, preferably before you decide what the future holds for you both. You should sit down together and calmly discuss the past the present and the future, remember a relationship takes two people. You need to ensure you are both fully enlightened on just how much effort this involves, all of the cards should be on the table and the facts made clear. Once all of the necessary conversations have been concluded you can both decide whether you are committed to making it work, if the answer is a resounding yes then you are already half way there.
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