First date nerves, or are you dating with anxiety? Believe it or not many people don’t actually know there is a difference. But there is a huge one.
First off… Dating, what a crock of shit. I can’t be the only one who hates the effort dating requires right?
Especially in this day and age. Before you can even meet you have to do the standard new age checks. Are they the person in the photo’s they are using? Is there a chance you’re shacking up with a serial killer? Are they on police bail? Oh, the questions seem endless. That’s the worry all people (should) face, but are you suffering from a touch of the ol’ first date nerves or do you have anxiety?
Oh lordy lordy. Dating with anxiety becomes a battlefield. A battlefield you could expect to face once your time on this planet has come to an end and downstairs is calling your name. Best go get your armour folks.
Here are a few ways to tell if you suffering from dating anxiety or just a mix of fear and excitement giving you first date nerves.
Fears people with anxiety have when dating.
Attraction. I’m pretty sure most people have the first date nerves of worrying your potential partner won’t find you attractive. However, it’s slightly more extreme when anxiety enters the equation.
Anxiety: What if they don’t like the look of me? What if I look like a gremlin in real life?
Voice of reason: Calm the fuck down Irene. It’s one date you aren’t on your way down the aisle.
Anxiety: Should I get a haircut? Maybe a colour?
Voice of reason: stop.
Anxiety: Do I have time to lose 5000 pounds?
Voice of reason: No way man we ate a whole packet of biscuits literally an hour ago.
Anxiety: That’s it I can’t go. He will think I’m fugly.
Socialising. Most people who are suffering from first date nerves don’t find themselves worrying about socialising. Don’t get me wrong here, it’s uncommon but not impossible, with that in mind it’s still normally a pretty good sign anxiety is kicking you in the teeth.
Anxiety: What the heck am I going to talk about? I’m not interesting at all.
Voice of reason: Don’t worry a conversation is a two-way street, you aren’t dating a mime.
Anxiety: What if I have an anxiety/panic attack in the restaurant and fall to the floor breathing into a paper bag
Voice of reason: Where the hell would a paper bag come from?
Anxiety: What if I fall over or I somehow end up the centre of attention and everyone stares at me.
Voice of reason: Stares? What the fuck are we going as? A one-man band?!
Arrival. More of a difficult one as first date nerves can cause you to feel the standard panicky butterflies whilst waiting for your date to turn up too.
Anxiety: Oh no what if I’m late? Or worse what if they are late?? I definitely can’t walk into the venue alone!!!
Voice of reason: Wait outside?
Anxiety: What if something happens on the way there and we can’t let each other know?!
Voice of reason: What are mobile phones actually for then?
Anxiety: Hang on what if they are a no-show?! My self-confidence can’t take being stood up right now.
Voice of reason: Yeah I got nothing for that one. That really would suck.
During the date. A lot of people have concerns during the first date, hence the ‘first date nerves’. But, anxiety really does take the biscuit here and it’s usually a pretty strong telltale sign.
Anxiety: Oh crap he’s looking at my face there’s something on there. Oh, bloody hell I’ve got lipstick on my teeth haven’t I. I’m starting to sweat with panic what am I going to do?!?! Quick think… THINK!!
Voice of reason: Will you take a fucking minute. You’d be pissed off if he was staring at your tits. Can’t win. Excuse yourself and go to the shitter, they have mirrors genius.
Anxiety: Sweet baby Jesus it’s a door and I’m in front. Oh Lord have mercy there is no push or pull sign.
Voice of reason: Can’t help you there going to have to guess and cross your fingers you don’t end up splattered on the glass. Oh no, wait!!!! Grab the handle and give it a sneaky little push as you do, if it budges you’re good to push.
Anxiety: How the heck am I going to carry this full to the brim drink without tipping it all down myself. Maybe I just won’t have a drink. Yeah, I’ll be fine. Dehydration is better than looking like I have possible piss stains.
Voice of reason: Right, so let me get this straight you’ve met up for a drink but you aren’t actually going to consume any fluids? Are you going to sit and stare at him sipping his beverage? How’s this gonna work then? When I say that what I really mean is, how the fuck are you going to avoid looking like a creep who’s awkwardly eyeballing every slurp. What if your mouth gets all dry and gammy? I don’t think you’ve thought this through to be perfectly honest.
If you think that’s bad that’s just the tip of the iceberg honey.
You know this kind of anxiety causes physical symptoms too don’t you? I’m talking constant toilet trips, feeling sick, perspiration, sweaty palms, possibly even sweaty ass crack. Dating anxiety is real. Why do you think I spend most of my time talking to my laptop?! Heck if I don’t have to leave my pit I can assure you I will not.
Hopefully, you are now a bit more clued up on whether you have the pretty common issue of first date nerves or you are dating with anxiety. Either way, don’t let either of those son’s of bitches impact your love life. Get out there and live, if not for you then for me, as I don’t. Please, I need to live through you.