If you are asking yourself if you should be in a relationship then I can help you answer that.
I often find myself questioning should I be in a relationship? Yet it’s never because of my own thoughts or feelings, it’s always because of the people around me.
I have had two serious relationships in my time, both were horrific. I can honestly say I have never been happier than when I am single. I don’t want to spend most of my time pissed off because my arsehole partner has trashed the entire kitchen making himself some toast. Only to then fuck off into the TV room to watch sci-fi rubbish leaving the kitchen a damn bombsite.
I’m also a very unsociable person. I like my own company, there aren’t many people on this planet that I can tolerate for prolonged periods of time. It isn’t a good thing and it isn’t a bad thing it’s just a thing. It’s part of what makes me who I am.
I hate being in a situation where I feel I have to explain myself or check in with someone. I like to do what I want when I want.
So with all that in mind, what do you think? Should I be in a relationship?
You see, I entered my second relationship because I felt it was what I should do. It’s the way the world works right? Meet a partner, get married have kids, grow old and die together. Everyone around me was in committed relationships.
“You should start dating again.”
“You can’t stay single forever.”
“You are going to be really lonely if you’re not careful.”
“It’s not normal to hide away and keep turning people down. Do you think it’s your mental health?”
I could go on but you get the idea.
Not only did I feel a lot of pressure I also started to believe they had a point. I began asking myself ‘Should I be in a relationship?’ That ladies and gents is where it all went wrong. I started to believe that everyone else knew what was best for me, that I didn’t and everyone else did. Before you say anything I know. I’m an arsehole.
That second relationship? Good God it was a bad as my first and I only have myself to blame. I put the ideology of others before my own happiness, I did it multiple times during the whole debacle. I made the mistake of not leaving when I should because, for various reasons, I felt I would be letting people down and that sticking it out was the right thing to do. Not to mention the fact that the wanker would threaten to top himself everytime I even spoke about going our separate ways. As I said, I know, I’m an arsehole.
Now, I ask you again with all that in mind, should I be in a relationship?
What exactly is the moral of this story? The moral of the story is, we need to stop thinking we have to live our lives a certain way because it’s considered ‘normal’. Why should you jump into a relationship to please others when you are happy being single? In this day and age, we shouldn’t feel like we have to make decisions based on outdated traditions. It’s old-fashioned nonsense.
Old fashioned is exactly what it is. Did you know there was a time when divorce didn’t even exist? It wasn’t allowed until 1857! For a short time before that, it was possible for the rich but not for the average Joe’s. It had to literally be granted through an Act Of Parliament. Utter insanity. People were genuinely forced to stay in a marriage they were severely unhappy in. How mental is that? However, life isn’t like that anymore, our lives are our own. That means you can decide whether you want to be in a relationship or not.
To be transparent here I am not against relationships nor am I encouraging you to avoid them. If you meet someone who you love and care for and want to spend the rest of your life with then great! That’s fantastic and I’m happy for you. What I’m saying is, don’t start serial dating or settling for anything less than you deserve because you feel you have to. Don’t start with that questioning of should I be in a relationship. You need to ask yourself do I WANT to be in a relationship.
Women being called ‘crazy cat ladies’ for owning a cat and being single is ridiculous! Should we start calling single men who own dogs dodgy dog men? No of course not, it’s derogatory and rude which of course is exactly what it is to refer to a woman as a crazy cat lady!
In this day and age, people shouldn’t be frowned upon for not following traditions that actually fucked up people’s lives.
I know many elderly people who stayed in marriages they were severely unhappy in, to the point where it destroyed their mental health. Do you know why? Because they felt it was the right thing to do.
No. The right thing to do is to be the best person you can be for yourself and those around you. If that means staying single then so be it. Don’t ever be pressured into living a life you don’t want to live for the gratification of age-old traditions.
I don’t want to be in a relationship I am happy as I am.
I ask you one last time should I be in a relationship?
I have asked you the same question throughout, ‘should I be in a relationship.’ I think it’s a safe bet that at the very least you said no the last time I asked you. You said no because I told you I don’t want to be in a relationship and you should never try to force someone to do something they don’t want to do right? So why are people settling for a relationship they aren’t happy in? Why do we feel a constant pressure to meet ‘the one’? Why do our friends and family ask about our relationship status and encourage us to ‘settle down’?
Purely because it is seen as mandatory. It’s how we are supposed to live right? Wrong. We are supposed to live a happy fulfilled life, how we do that is up to us. We do not have to do anything. It really is as simple as that.
Being single doesn’t mean you’re lonely.
Being single doesn’t mean you are weak.
Being single doesn’t mean you are undesirable.
Being single means you can cope on your own.
Being single means you are perfectly happy waiting for what you deserve and not settling for less.
Being single means you’re a good enough person that even you enjoy your own company.
The bottom line is there will probably be a time where you are asking yourself “should I be in a relationship?”
You need to answer that question by deciding what is best for you and what you want to do not what you feel you should do.
I’ll say it one last time for those in the back…
Never ask yourself, SHOULD I be in a relationship.
Ask yourself, do I WANT to be in a relationship.